Now What?

Okay, so I gave Mr. I'm-too-lazy-to-do-anything-on-our-group-paper a really generous second chance. As you will recall, I gave him detailed instructions on what statistical tests we needed done in order to evaluate our hypotheses, etc. Yeah, well, apparently, that was too much for him. He DID manage to do the first part of his "assignment," which was basically to just describe our sample according to the distributions of certain variables. But he did not do a single test on any of our hypotheses. Not one.
So, it's Sunday, and this paper is due on Wednesday, and we have no information on the basis of which we can evaluate our hypotheses. Not only that, but we have a group member who has contributed to this paper in two ways: first, way back when, he fleshed out an outline that I had written into complete sentences. He was supposed to have written several pages based on the outline, but apparently his German isn't up to the challenge. Whatever, so we gave him data analysis to do this time. And now, he has described our sample according to gender, income, education and whatnot. Keep in mind, this is a 30-page research paper for which we came up with hypotheses, familiarized ourselves with relevant theoretical literature, operationalized our hypotheses (i.e. broke them down into individual variables), designed a questionnaire, conducted a standardized survey using the questionnaire and have thus far written 19 pages. How has this kid's minimal effort really contributed ANYTHING to the exercise?
Of the remaining three group members, I'm the only one who can really do anything in STATA, our statistics software. This means I now have to do all the evaluations that this kid didn't do before I can start writing the section in which I present our data and results. Oh joy. And the pregnant lady - once again - gets to pick up the slack.

So, what do you guys think? Should I kick him out of the group and let him fail a 2-semester class? Or should I just write his name on our title page and wait for my good karma to come back to me?

Old Man Winter - fashionably late

So after a couple months of less than wintry weather, it's finally here. A few days ago, it suddenly dropped down below freezing and actually stayed there for a while. Granted, it's not nearly as cold as it could be in Berlin, but still, the temperatures are down around 15-20°F. What's more, it finally started snowing! Yesterday we had a light dusting - today it just keeps coming down. Oko enjoyed our morning walk even more than usual; he just loves to run around in the snow and kick up the powder with his heels.

The other news item to report is that I am officially halfway through pregnancy! Today marks the day, and Toffi and I are going to celebrate tonight with a glass of Medoc (don't worry, mine will be a little glass).

Other than that, though, there's no time to celebrate, as the research paper rages on. For the moment, I don't have to do any stats, but I'm writing the methodology section right now, and it includes things like describing our population, sample size and the validity of that sample. I'm reminded of a quote from The West Wing. It's soon after the President has announced that he has MS, and the pollsters are working around the clock to get the public's reaction. The staffers have a meeting in which they all agree that the last poll "...was bogus. And I'll tell you why: 1,000 people in an industrial state in the Midwest are not representative." Based on that, they decide Joey has to put another poll in the field. Thing is, in our situation, if I decide our sample isn't representative, we can't exactly start all over. Keep you fingers crossed!

a smiling face

At my second routine ultrasound yesterday, Toffi and I just fell head over heels in love with this smiling face:

more statistics

You know it's bad when you start dreaming about recoding data. I've been so immersed in our dataset that I have started dreaming about how to be recode certain variables in order to get the maximum possible use out of them when doing statistical analyses. Two days ago I woke up and immediately started thinking about one variable and that I needed to recode it to create a symmetrical scale. And yesterday we were woken up by the doorbell; it was the mail carrier lady bringing an Amazon delivery. Toffi had ordered 2 DVDs. I had ordered a book on statistical analysis. Toffi signed for the package and brought it back to the bedroom. We opened it in bed and Toffi flipped through my book, looking at the pages like they were full of writing and symbols from another planet. At that moment it occurred to me how odd it must be to be married to a statistician. Not that I'm a statistician or married, but it's clear my life has been temporarily taken over by recoding data and carrying out statistical tests. After all, it's not exactly normal for me to include "Data Analysis with STATA" in my bedside reading material.

the right words at the right time

I'm sure you've all had this experience before:

Someone gets in your face about something and an argument ensues. You feel like you've been wronged and insulted, but you're so caught off guard that it isn't until later that the right comeback occurs to you. Consequently, you keep replaying the scene in your head, wishing you had had the presence of mind to say something that would have put the person in his or her place.

Well, today something like this happened to me, except I was able to think on my feet and dish out a retort that made my antagonist shut up right away. I was on my way back from an errand, and I decided to stop at the smallish organic food store near my apartment. I had Oko, the dog, with me, and as usual, I just told him to wait outside for me while I ran in to grab a couple things. I was just getting into the check-out line when I heard him barking. Now, I know my dog well, and he only barks at people if they give him a reason. Most likely, someone made an aggressive gesture at him or didn't see him and nearly ran him over with a shopping cart. Whatever it was, he was barking up a storm. I decided to just wait it out since the line was short, but a woman came inside all agitated and yelled, "whose dog is that?!" I barely understood her because she was speaking with a heavy Berlin dialect, using a word for dog that means something like "disgusting animal." Before I had a chance to process exactly what she had said, she yelled again, "whose black and white dog is that?!" This time I understood her more clearly, and I immediately answered, telling her it was my dog. "He's barking at people out there. Can't you do anything about it?!" "Of course," I answered, quickly asking the woman in front of me whether she could save my place in line. I went outside as fast as possible, and true to form, Oko ceased barking the instant he saw me (since he knows he's not allowed to bark at people). I was in the process of getting his leash so I could tie him up somewhere far enough from the entrance so that no one would feel unsafe walking inside or out, when I realized that the lady had followed me. As soon as I turned to her, she started telling me that I "can't just leave the dog outside the store where he can bark at people and attack them." She asked me what was wrong with me, etc., etc. Knowing full well that Oko hadn't attacked a soul and never would, I just looked at her calmly and said, "You really don't have to lecture me. You can see for yourself that I'm already doing something about it." I said it so authoritatively that she immediately shut up, turned slightly pale and walked back into the store. I finished tying the dog to a pole, went back inside, paid for my groceries and went home very satisfied to have put this woman in her place. After all, I TOTALLY understand if you're bothered by a barking dog, but once I've clearly done something to solve the problem, don't lecture me just so you can feel superior!

the race to the finish line

Well, this is what came out of the crisis meeting:

2 of my group members got their asses in gear and started producing results. They did research, put some theoretical literature together and did some serious brainstorming as to the structure of our paper. All this happened a couple days before said crisis meeting, so by the time we were sitting in there with the T.A., I already knew that I could work with these gals for the next two weeks.

The guy was another story. He wrote an email expressing understanding for my concern and my frustration, included some lame excuses for his disengagement and proceeded to ask me whether I could help him with his part of the project. I wrote back as politely as possible, saying that 2 weeks wasn't enough time for me to work on my own sections AND tutor him in statistical analysis. Then, at the meeting, he made it so blatantly obvious that he has zero motivation in this class and that he doesn't care about his grade so long as he passes that the T.A. started gently suggesting that the guy work on his own. But our guy wanted to stay with the group and said he'd do some analysis. I stepped in and asked him whether he had any experience with STATA (our statistics software). He said no. I said look, the last 2 semesters have been riddled with broken promises coming from you. I honestly have a problem trusting you, and I don't want to give you anything to do on this project if I have no guarantee that you'll actually DO it. The T.A. saw my point, emphasized the fact that this kid could only work with us if he actually produces something relevant to the project, and made the suggestion that I come up with an "assignment" for him. I decide which analyses we need, send him the file with all the variable recoding that I've been working on along with crystal clear instructions as to what we need, and then the kid can come to the T.A.'s office so that they can work on the analysis together. Everyone seemed to think this solution was acceptable (although I have to say this kid is getting off waaaaaaaay easy), and we all thanked the T.A. profusely for his help as referee and analysis coach.

So, here I am, sitting with literature and data up to my ears. I think about the data before I fall asleep, it's one of the first things to enter my mind when I wake up, and I've even started dreaming about it. Good God, I hope I can get through the next week and a half!

we interrupt this program to bring you breaking news...

With all the complaining I've been doing about my research paper and my disengaged group members, I've forgotten to tell y'all that I've been feeling the baby move around for a week or two now! At first I wasn't sure whether what I was feeling was really the baby or not; it was such a vague, undefinable sensation, akin to little goldfish swimming around in my belly. But the feeling soon became stronger, and now I'm sure it's the kid. When I'm relaxed - lying in bed or reclining on the couch - I start feeling the occasional very gentle push against my belly from the inside. It comes and goes very quickly, but it's really exciting! If you're curious as to what's happening with me and the baby right now, here's a link to our current stage of development.

statistical analysis

Gar. As part of my empirical research project, I'm trying to make meaningful sense of our raw data. I've recoded a lot of our data so that the numerical values assigned to certain answers actually make sense (i.e. if the answer to a question is "no," the value should be 0 while a "yes" receives a 1), and I'm pretty pleased with my progress. I've even got some nice correlations between variables along with graphs that illustrate the point. Unfortunately, however, my first attempts at putting together some regressions have produced pretty skimpy results. Some of the t-values haven't been so bad, but the R-squareds are just ridiculous. Correlations are nice, and my significance levels have been high, but it would be so much better if I had a regression or factor analysis to back up my claims. Right now I'm noticing that a lot of the correlations aren't linear, but I don't think logistic regression's going to help anything. And since I'm the only person in my group who is even remotely talented in statistical analysis, the onus is really on me to get some solid results (see my most recent post to get an idea of what working in this group has been like). So, like I said at the beginning, gar.

group work is highly overrated

So things are going pretty well over here, but nonetheless, I do have something to gripe about. I'm taking a class on empirical research methods that leaves a lot to be desired. It's what I call German full-frontal teaching, and there's not much conveying of practical tips. So for two semesters now, I've been sitting in a seminar room once a week listening to a post-doc fellow blab on about this theory and that style as they pertain to empirical field research. In between the weekly seminars (which are a misnomer, because they're really just lectures that happen to have fewer than 200 students), I struggle to motivate myself to work on my research project, which will be due in the form of a 30-40 page paper at the end of this month. But the struggle extends far beyond myself because it's a group project. Apart from the fact that I've NEVER enjoyed group work delegated by teachers, I personally think this is the wrong class to turn into a giant group-work seminar. The main reason is that it's the only class within the degree program that focuses specifically on empirical research, and as such, it's the only grade that will give MA and PhD programs an idea of how competent a student is in the discipline. This being the case, my grade - and my academic future - is at least as dependent upon my group as it is on me. This is particularly bothersome in my case because I seem to be the only one in my group who actually gives a rat's ass about my grade since this is PRECISELY the field in which I hope to continue my academic career.

The concrete problem waiting to be solved is how I am going to proceed in writing this paper. I am so fed up with this group and their lack of engagement that I'm ready to pack up and abandon them. After all, at this point, I've probably done about 75% of the work that's gone into our project, and now that we're coming down to the finish line, their non-commitment to the final product is becoming more and more fatal. We only have 2 1/2 weeks remaining, and I can't even get a hold of my group, let alone get them to actually do any work. Even the trump card that I'm pregnant and REALLY can't go on pulling the weight for everyone else only produced sympathetic remarks and empty promises. None of them actually acted on these expressed intentions. So I called in the big guns and spoke to the professor and the TAs (who were already aware of the problem in general terms) and said that we've reached the point where I'm no longer willing to play along and seriously considering pulling out. We now have a mediated crisis meeting this coming Wednesday to try and sort out the problem and decide whether it's better for me to do this on my own or stick to my group. I informed the other group members of the meeting, but have so far had no responses. I'm wondering if they're actually going to show up. If they don't, then it's pretty clear how I should proceed. If they do, how will they react? Will they try to hold onto me (knowing full well that I'm their best hope for a decent grade) or will they resent my move so much that they'll let me go without a fuss? If they try to hold onto me and I agree, will anything actually change? My worst fear is that they'll talk me into staying in the group without actually putting in the time and effort necessary at this point, and that I won't have achieved anything with my threat to go.

So with all the other stuff going on in my life, this silly fiasco is priority numero uno. After 6 years of experience in the university world, this is the first time I've ever even considered pulling out of a group. I just can't believe that people in their mid-twenties who have made the decision to study can be this juvenile. It feels like middle school, not university.

New Year, New Changes

So, while my last post wasn't exactly explicit, y'all figured it out: I'm pregnant! At this point, I'm in my 17th week of pregnancy, which means I'm very close to the halfway mark. I'm just starting to show a little bit (well, actually, I started showing a while ago, but now even a stranger can see that my round belly looks more like a baby than holiday weight gain), but I can't feel the little guy or gal yet. I've nicknamed it the bellydancer, though, because on both of the ultrasounds I've had, it was dancing and somersaulting all over the place. Toffi, of course, has drawn the conclusion that with all this early movement, our kid is destined to be a soccer player!

Before you ask, no, we do not know whether it is a girl or a boy, nor do we want to know. So as long as the doctors don't spill the beans prematurely, it'll be a surprise until the very end.

The official due date is June 14, and between now and then, there's a lot of growing, planning and freaking out to be done. I'm planning on finishing my current degree (BA in Sociology) before the baby comes, which means that I have courses until mid-February, exams and papers until early April, and then I'll be spending April and May writing like mad on my thesis. If there weren't a little person growing inside me, this would actually not be a terribly heavy load, but given the circumstances, I do occasionally freak out about getting it all done in time. Not only that, I seem to need a lot more sleep than normal, and it's pretty hard to get it because I've been sleeping lighter than usual, and everything wakes me up. So between less time, less energy, doctor's appointments, prenatal yoga, school, work and just plain old life, I've got a lot on my plate!

Anyhow, expect to see the first belly photos soon, as well as tales of interest about the life of a pregnant Stephanie.